I was new in town. Newly single in my late 20’s. Didn’t know anyone but a handful of work people and my ex husband. So what better way to meet new lifelong friends but to join a gym. I’d find friends and because I was gonna be so “buff” from my amazing workouts, I’d surely also snag a new guy. I am woman hear me roar!! Full of my own power to make it all happen in this gym…a quite foreign and new place to my 20-something-self. A gym where those who were playing racquet ball and working on leg presses were fighting the “leg warmer and leotard” phase and wondering if the” Richard Simmons short shorts” phase was the next best thing. Oh I guarantee you I was a sight to behold…BOTH times I went to this gym during my 3 year contract. Two visits full of arguing with the treadmill, tripping over my feet in the step aerobic class and trying my darnedest not to get a concussion from a ricocheting racquet ball. Working out at this gym at this time in my life was a horrendous train wreck. I wasn’t quite as roaring and powerful after a few weak visits. I was there for the total wrong reasons…Mr. Right was NOT there and I really had no desire to ever break a sweat! It took quite a bit of finagling to get myself out of that way too long contract. But I did. The “work out” of my “fabricating a believable story” skills were far greater than any motivation I ever had to actually work out during this time.
I totally believed the lie that “roaring” in to find my new boyfriend would be enough motivation to go to the gym . It wasn’t. And I was humiliated more often than inspired.
I was about to turn 50. Enough of those 80 pounds I had lost in my early 40’s had crept back on that I needed to pay attention to it. And remembering how easy it was to lose this weight the first time , I became full of “all hail me, I am invisible” power. Oh who am I fooling?? Those pounds crept on when I unplugged from the “Power Source” that lit me on fire the last time. What happened when I tried to maintain my weight loss in my own mighty power was this…the weight didn’t “creep back on” like an unknown thief in the night. It came barrelling back on when dessert became my best friend again…when the drive through window at the nearest fast food place sang my name and I gladly answered back …when my biggest workout was carrying a toddler to nap time! I turned myself in to the nearest Weight Watchers jailhouse. I dragged myself in, shackles still firmly in place, kicking and screaming the whole time. I went and tortured myself at the scale for nearly a month, having lost about 2 lbs the entire time. When the receptionist saw my complete dismay and disgust with myself, she simply said…
“It’s just harder to lose weight the older you get…..blah blah…blah diddy blah….wah wah”
What she really should’ve said is…
“Where the heck is your motivation? Where’s your power to make this happen? You don’t have any! You’re believing too many lies about yourself. Come back when you’re properly motivated and ready to believe the truth that you can do this!”
We all need someone in our lives who loves us enough to speak real truth to us! This receptionist at the Weight Watchers place was not that person for me. That was the last time I attempted to get healthy and lose weight. In fact, it was probably that day when I created my new life mantra….”I’m Fifty, Fat and Fabulous” And I was totally OK with that. I told myself a bazillion times over the next 5 years that I was totally comfortable in my fluffiness. It’s a bit sad when you can’t even find it within you to be truthful with yourself.
Because the real truth was I cringed a little inside every time I saw a picture of myself from the neck down. I died inside a bit more every time I bent over to pick up toys off the floor and all those poor food choices I’d been making were in my way of really bending over. With every out of breath step I took, I felt helpless to do a thing about it. I just lacked the motivation to do anything about all these bad feelings, so I bought into my own lie that I was good with how I looked and felt.
Those lies were slowly killing me. Oh I know that sounds dramatic. But five years after declaring my new triple F mantra, I was 5 pounds over my highest ever weight. I found myself completely addicted to sugar, afraid to break a sweat and get my heart rate up. My hips hurt most of the time. So did my back. And I pretty much avoided any activity or social outing that would require me to stand too long or have to walk too far. My lifestyle was far from healthy.
The truth I needed to hear and live by during both of these times in my life was one I knew like the back of my hand but, for whatever reason, I had shoved it to my back burner. I can do some things on my own, but I can do any and everything with Christ. Philippians 4:13 is a familiar verse to many people, “I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME.” This is a steadfast TRUTH in my life because I’ve seen it play out at least a hundred and twenty bazillion times!!
If you are trying to lose weight right now or you’re trying to overcome any other hurdle in your life and you feel you’ve hit a wall, can I be the person who speaks truth into your life today? On your own , you can only get so far before you hit a stalemate. The sooner you let the Lord in on your thing, the sooner you’re gonna press on, overcome and achieve. Stop believing lies…they’re a load of rubbish!! Believe this…
Next week, I hit the two month mark in my journey back to healthy. I’ll share my progress then. But I’ll say this…as a 55 year old menopausal woman who once believed the lie that I’d be fluffy forever and I’d never be able to lose weight again, this is an exciting time for me. Any time I surrender and just see what God can do, it’s thrilling! So until next time…
Joyfully Clamoring 